When I put the thought in my mind.
Can you feel it?
1. Who are your top three lady heroes?: Nefertiti, Kathleen Hanna, and the ladies at Bitch Media
2. When you were little, what did you want to be?: a princess. Ever since I can remember!
3. Who do you think should run for president in two years?: a schizophrenic woman who studied art history at PSU.
4. What’s the best book you’ve read so far this year? Ever?: This year? Factotum. Ever? The Master and Margarita.
5. Truly, H&M or Forever 21?: I have no idea what “truly” is, but if I HAD to choose between the other two- H&M.
6. Would you rather get lunch with Gillian Flynn or J.K. Rowling?: I’ve never read Flynn. So J.K. Rowling. Fo sho.
7. What’s your most embarrassing childhood memory?: Oh, so many to choose from! Man, I’d say being fat, ugly as fuck and diabetic!
8. If you had the option of adopting a baby fox or baby koala, which one would you choose?: A fox, obviously.
9. What’s your dream job?: Princess. Mermaid. Fairy. Vampire.
10. Who is your favorite mythological god/goddess?: Dionysius. Marceline the Vampire Queen.
11. What is your most embarrassing memory?: Again, so many to choose from… I always feel embarrassed talking to people lately…
12. If you had to choose between using Internet Explorer forever, or permanently using an AOL e-mail address, which one would it be?: AOL email address! … I still have one…
13. If you could either be a duck or an owl, which would you be?: probably an owl. But ducks are cool too.
14. What do you love about yourself most?: Absolutely nothing.
15. Cheetos Puffs, regular Cheetos, or Flaming Hot Cheetos?: I don’t eat Cheetos. But probably the hot ones.
16. Rugrats or Doug?: Dougie.
17. Which house would you belong to in Game of Thrones? Like, very honestly.: I don’t watch that show.
18. If you got a (new) tattoo, what would it be of?: I don’t have any tattoos. Probably a fox tail from my lower back, down my butt, and on my left leg though.
19. What would you like to eat for your last meal?: blackened tempeh over brown rice with lots of broccoli and carrots in a coconut milk and curry sauce. Also traditional Japanese style veggie tempura, and matcha green tea ice cream for dessert,
20. If you had to be on a reality TV show, which one would you choose?: Total Divas.
21. Who has influenced you the most?: My friends.
22. What are your favorite lyrics?: I don’t know if I have favorite lyrics… Lots of songs by Wu, The Strokes, Fiona Apple, Amy Winehouse…
23. Stretchy jeans or jeggings?: Jeans.
24. On the first day of ruling the world, what would you do?: Give everyone LSD. In the world.
25. If you were forced to open a bakery, what would you name it?: First of all, I would love that. Second of all, I would call it “Cherry Bomb.”
26. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done on a date?: Lots. Probably fucked in a graveyard though…
27. What do you hope to achieve by 50?: Live…
28. What has been your best moment this year (so far)?: Not too many… Maybe being at Forestview with Hailey, and the other girls… I really don’t know… :(
29. Would you rather be stuck in traffic for two hours, or have Chipotle run out of guacamole?: Have chipotle run outta guac.
30. Why are you so amazing?!: I am not. I really, really wish I was. But I’m really, very seriously, not.
I feel completely worthless.
I am alone.
Always self medicating
Holding onto the past.
I set everyone up for failure,
So I can never be burned,
Except at my own hand.
Giving up is too painful,
But I am always drawn to it.
Hanging on by threads is the only way.
I string along
Like a gypsy,
Running from defeat.
I find value in small things.
Try to keep waking up,
With the knowledge
That I will never be with you.
I am broken.
By my dreams,
That will never be fulfilled.
The pain of rejection kills me.
I have been dead since you gave up.
Since I realized
I can never be what you want.
Hell is real.
Feeling love is real.
Loneliness is hell.
Not simple loneliness,
Undesirability is true misery.
Simply being alone is reality.
I have the next two and a half days off. My goals are to sleep, eat, take showers, read, reconnect, and try to have fun.
I just want to stop hurting. I also want to not feel so alone.
I’ve had a really difficult week so far and I am thankful for this time to relax. I have only reached out for help once to my best friend Rudi. I miss her so much…