I just wanna know what I did wrong that made you turn away and leave.
15 word story (via ren3gades)

(via thisismyurlguiis)


cieply:

i wanna talk about it but i really dont wanna talk about it

(via thisismyurlguiis)


(via luciel0u)


don’t call me beautiful
i don’t care
call me intelligent
tell me my laugh is contagious;
that i made you smile
tell me i have something to offer
Unknown (via endearingsenses)

(via thisismyurlguiis)


When I put the thought in my mind.
Can you feel it?
Anything.
I mean,
It’s ok.


Disappointment

Not living
Up to
Expectations.
Of any.
Me.


Rudi sent me this…

1. Who are your top three lady heroes?: Nefertiti, Kathleen Hanna, and the ladies at Bitch Media

2. When you were little, what did you want to be?: a princess. Ever since I can remember!

3. Who do you think should run for president in two years?: a schizophrenic woman who studied art history at PSU.

4. What’s the best book you’ve read so far this year? Ever?: This year? Factotum. Ever? The Master and Margarita.

5. Truly, H&M or Forever 21?: I have no idea what “truly” is, but if I HAD to choose between the other two- H&M.

6. Would you rather get lunch with Gillian Flynn or J.K. Rowling?: I’ve never read Flynn. So J.K. Rowling. Fo sho.

7. What’s your most embarrassing childhood memory?: Oh, so many to choose from! Man, I’d say being fat, ugly as fuck and diabetic!

8. If you had the option of adopting a baby fox or baby koala, which one would you choose?: A fox, obviously.

9. What’s your dream job?: Princess. Mermaid. Fairy. Vampire.

10. Who is your favorite mythological god/goddess?: Dionysius. Marceline the Vampire Queen.

11. What is your most embarrassing memory?: Again, so many to choose from… I always feel embarrassed talking to people lately…

12. If you had to choose between using Internet Explorer forever, or permanently using an AOL e-mail address, which one would it be?: AOL email address! … I still have one…

13. If you could either be a duck or an owl, which would you be?: probably an owl. But ducks are cool too.

14. What do you love about yourself most?: Absolutely nothing.

15. Cheetos Puffs, regular Cheetos, or Flaming Hot Cheetos?: I don’t eat Cheetos. But probably the hot ones.

16. Rugrats or Doug?: Dougie.

17. Which house would you belong to in Game of Thrones? Like, very honestly.: I don’t watch that show.

18. If you got a (new) tattoo, what would it be of?: I don’t have any tattoos. Probably a fox tail from my lower back, down my butt, and on my left leg though.

19. What would you like to eat for your last meal?: blackened tempeh over brown rice with lots of broccoli and carrots in a coconut milk and curry sauce. Also traditional Japanese style veggie tempura, and matcha green tea ice cream for dessert,

20. If you had to be on a reality TV show, which one would you choose?: Total Divas.

21. Who has influenced you the most?: My friends.

22. What are your favorite lyrics?: I don’t know if I have favorite lyrics… Lots of songs by Wu, The Strokes, Fiona Apple, Amy Winehouse…

23. Stretchy jeans or jeggings?: Jeans.

24. On the first day of ruling the world, what would you do?: Give everyone LSD. In the world.

25. If you were forced to open a bakery, what would you name it?: First of all, I would love that. Second of all, I would call it “Cherry Bomb.”

26. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done on a date?: Lots. Probably fucked in a graveyard though…

27. What do you hope to achieve by 50?: Live…

28. What has been your best moment this year (so far)?: Not too many… Maybe being at Forestview with Hailey, and the other girls… I really don’t know… :(

29. Would you rather be stuck in traffic for two hours, or have Chipotle run out of guacamole?: Have chipotle run outta guac.

30. Why are you so amazing?!: I am not. I really, really wish I was. But I’m really, very seriously, not.


Invisible
To anything
I
Cannot
Care
More.


I am a climber. From the womb to the tomb.

I am a climber. From the womb to the tomb.


Adventure Time!

Adventure Time!


Oneonta waterfall swag.

Oneonta waterfall swag.


Pure Oregon.

Pure Oregon.


My pretty baby. Miss her sooo much!!

My pretty baby. Miss her sooo much!!


I feel completely worthless.
Unhealthy
Unattractive
Obsessive
Undesirable.
I am alone.
Always self medicating
Self loathing
Holding onto the past.
Despising reality.
I set everyone up for failure,
So I can never be burned,
Except at my own hand.
Giving up is too painful,
But I am always drawn to it.
Hanging on by threads is the only way.
I string along
Like a gypsy,
Running.
Running from defeat.
I find value in small things.
I try.
Try to keep waking up,
With the knowledge
That I will never be with you.
I am broken.
By my dreams,
Wishes,
And desires.
That will never be fulfilled.
The pain of rejection kills me.
I have been dead since you gave up.
Since I realized
I can never be what you want.
Hell is real.
I believe.
Feeling love is real.
Loneliness is hell.
Not simple loneliness,
Undesirability is true misery.
Simply being alone is reality.


I have the next two and a half days off. My goals are to sleep, eat, take showers, read, reconnect, and try to have fun.
I just want to stop hurting. I also want to not feel so alone.
I’ve had a really difficult week so far and I am thankful for this time to relax. I have only reached out for help once to my best friend Rudi. I miss her so much…