Invisible
To anything
I
Cannot
Care
More.


I am a climber. From the womb to the tomb.

I am a climber. From the womb to the tomb.


Adventure Time!

Adventure Time!


Oneonta waterfall swag.

Oneonta waterfall swag.


Pure Oregon.

Pure Oregon.


My pretty baby. Miss her sooo much!!

My pretty baby. Miss her sooo much!!


I feel completely worthless.
Unhealthy
Unattractive
Obsessive
Undesirable.
I am alone.
Always self medicating
Self loathing
Holding onto the past.
Despising reality.
I set everyone up for failure,
So I can never be burned,
Except at my own hand.
Giving up is too painful,
But I am always drawn to it.
Hanging on by threads is the only way.
I string along
Like a gypsy,
Running.
Running from defeat.
I find value in small things.
I try.
Try to keep waking up,
With the knowledge
That I will never be with you.
I am broken.
By my dreams,
Wishes,
And desires.
That will never be fulfilled.
The pain of rejection kills me.
I have been dead since you gave up.
Since I realized
I can never be what you want.
Hell is real.
I believe.
Feeling love is real.
Loneliness is hell.
Not simple loneliness,
Undesirability is true misery.
Simply being alone is reality.


I have the next two and a half days off. My goals are to sleep, eat, take showers, read, reconnect, and try to have fun.
I just want to stop hurting. I also want to not feel so alone.
I’ve had a really difficult week so far and I am thankful for this time to relax. I have only reached out for help once to my best friend Rudi. I miss her so much…


(via jewsy-kosher)



A Story A Day #232 by M.D.L

A Story A Day #232 by M.D.L

(via mingdliu)


I just want to break myself.


Brain prison

I need relationships and structure to keep myself from falling apart at my own hands.
Subtle structure. That I enjoy.
Right now I am so terrified of people, that I sabotage first encounters.
I also need purpose. Value, based on my worthiness to people and things that I find rewarding.
I need some freedom. I want to express myself, but I am so scared right now.
Anxiety is a big issue for me. Obsessive thinking and trust issues also distort my thoughts.
In the end I just want to be safe.
I want security
And trust
And love.

My problem is that I’ve never experienced it.
And I doubt the possibilities…


I want to be avian.
But I’m just an escapist.


I want to be avian.
But I’m just an escapist.


juliancuntablancas:

nick valensi could wear fuckin crocs and a god damn ed hardy shirt and i’d still murder his ass in bed

(via binkshapiro)